The Benefits of Using Mindfulness To Feel More Grounded

Guy: Please Note: 0:01

*** This transcription was done through computer software, so there could be errors throughout the text. ***

Guy: 1:14

Hello, everybody. This is guy and I'm here with Jamie. We are on the Devonport. Yes, we are a welcome back.

Jamie: 1:21

It's a chilly Davenport this morning. A little chilly. Yeah, San Diego gets cold. It does this week has been really cold for us. Yes. I walked the dog yesterday and it was 37 I was wearing a beanie. I was wearing a beanie and a puffer vest over my running shirt. I was like,

Guy: 1:41

oh, oh, Erin's wearing full on Yeah. puffy jacket with a hood up in the house while making dinner.

Jamie: 1:46

Yeah. And I turned the heat on. Yeah, I'm like, Yes, it is. And there's flannel. See, it's on all the bed.

Guy: 1:54

I think every guy can relate like, did he just turned up? I think I just heard the furnace turn on. Chi Ching chi Ching. Ching.

Jamie: 2:02

I got an email from sdg&e. Yesterday, like your project,

Guy: 2:06

we noticed you turn your heat on.

Jamie: 2:08

Anything. Thanks for the Christmas bonus. Yeah,

Guy: 2:12

there is a funny challenge to try to not use it either way.

Jamie: 2:15

Well, in San Diego, we just we never run the AC. We never run the heat. And I think my sister in law and brother in law actually took their thermostat out of their house because they needed the space. And so they don't have heat. And they live like in Cardiff right by the beach. So I'm sure they're freezing. Yeah, my sister in law drinks a lot of hot water. Hot water.

Guy: 2:40

So it's pretty funny. People make fun of us, because we look like we're in a snowstorm and you're like 55

Jamie: 2:45

I was wearing sweats and I changed into my jeans like where my eggs because my feet were so cold. But I was like, I can look slumpy but like when you wear sweats and even like a new level of slop.

Guy: 2:57

It's fine. It's finals week, right? Is that what you're here?

Jamie: 3:00

Oh, yeah, let's not go there. Right, because my today was the first day of winter break. So congratulations. All of the high school kids are outdoors. Yeah. And so my husband took her to the opening of spider man last night. Oh, very cool. And he sends me a picture of her sobbing she's stopping like, Dave's. This is a little too much of a sad movie. Yeah, apparently there's a twist that Oh really, really upset her. And so and she's really

Guy: 3:27

ever cried at a Marvel comic movie.

Jamie: 3:30

Mackenzie cried when we walked onto the Marvel campus at California Adventure. Oh, she's really into Marlon. I really need to take her on a cruise. Like the Disney Cruise has a Marvel cruise. And all the Marvel characters walk around and the dinner is like all themed after Marvel. I'm like she would love it. So they're expensive. Anyway,

Guy: 3:53

but thanks. You don't even know exist. Yeah. But then this morning,

Jamie: 3:56

I was so proud of her because she had such a good report card and everything. And then by the time I

Guy: 4:01

was welcome to Christmas vacation or holiday break, whatever, I probably should have made pancakes

Jamie: 4:06

or something. But I said I'm going to go record and then we're going to go to the airport and pick up my nephew and go to lunch and stuff. And she's like, What am I doing while you're gone? And I was like, you're going to clean your bathroom because we have guests. And she was like, Oh my gosh, I'm already bored. I did not practice mindfulness in that moment. I was like, did you just say you're bored? You've been awake for an hour. Right? Like that's a good feeling for you to have. Yeah, you've been really busy. Enjoy that. Yeah, be bored. You're good. And go clean your bathroom. So

Guy: 4:41

my kids know to to delay low if they don't have anything to do because if they come in tell dad that I have anything to do. Yeah, it's your list is cleaning. You're looking for something to do. Hey, I got the dishwasher. I just need to go get the mail. Those garbage cans need to be brought to the backyard. Let's go clean up those toys. Yeah, you know I'm out. Good. They kind of just slowly disappear down the hallway. Go back to dad, he has a whole list.

Jamie: 5:09

And that's where we were at.

Guy: 5:12

I have I have a fun little story, nothing related. Mindfulness is our topic today. So we'll get into that. I learned something this morning. We can learn something every day. Yeah. So we were working with my daughter last night on percentages for some math homework and last minute math homework last day of school year. Yeah. And Aaron was like, Well, if you see us it's multiply and is is equals? Yeah, I was like, what?

Jamie: 5:38

She's like, they didn't teach that and watching this multiply.

Guy: 5:42

Every time you see have you know, to multiply, like, you notice.

Jamie: 5:46

Yeah, it's like they teach you a little trick. There's a thing though. I have to remember anyway, there must not have done it in Washington,

Guy: 5:54

or I wasn't there that day. I don't know. Because I know how to do percentages. It's not that I'm like, we're sad. That's really hard. I don't know. Like, I could do percentage, but I was like, Wait, so there's a clue in the sentence. That is so clever. I like I thought Aaron made it up. But I was like, You're so bright. I just so cool. She's like, this is calming down. Yeah. And is equals, yeah, she's like she see something of times. And that is equals, like, blew my mind. Like, we were driving here. She said like three times. I was like, Wait, stop.

Jamie: 6:34

Like, fifth sixth grade. That's what it was that show that was on. Are You Smarter Than a fifth grader?

Guy: 6:41

Nope. Apparently,

Jamie: 6:44

I did see a funny meme the other day said, we learned math solely so we can help our kids. Yeah, the only reason we need it. We're getting to that stage now where I'm no longer super beneficial in helping in math.

Guy: 6:57

Well, this is when I saw Okay, Aaron. It's all yours by Yeah. David. Dave

Jamie: 7:01

helps with math. I help I help with the grammar and writing and spelling. It's all good. We all have our strengths

Guy: 7:10

we do. So as I mentioned today, our topic is mindfulness. Yeah. So we love to start with a definition. Now. Do you want to present that Jamie?

Jamie: 7:21

Sure. I mean, mindfulness is kind of been a buzzword the last few years and at least in the therapy world, I think in the coaching world, too. For sure. We talk. I mean, even I listened

Guy: 7:31

and it popped up in our last one of our previous podcasts were like, oh, we should do a topic on mindful. Yeah, cuz we kept using the word over and over.

Jamie: 7:37

Yeah. And we talked, I talked about it a lot with my clients as a tool. And when we're dealing with anxiety, even with depression, whatever it is, yes. And there are now places to go, where you practice mindfulness. In fact, this is funny, I was just listening to the story from Hoda, cop, like she's on the Today Show. And I guess she was gone for like 10 days, but no one really knew why. Or like she was sick. And she had been in a place where you kind of practice mindfulness and you're totally detached, like, determine, yeah, okay, you turn in your cell phone and everything. And she was just like, I felt so free. You know, like, I just could be. Yeah. And she was just talking about how she's really modified her cell phone usage, and everything since coming back. I mean, it was just like the little snippet I was reading about her experience. Yeah. But to me what it sounds like she did at this retreat was learn more about being mindful. And so to define it, mindfulness is really just that state of active open attention to the present. Yes. And to take that a little further this day is described as observing one's thoughts and feelings without judging them as good or bad. Let them just be Yeah, yeah. Because we always want to classify everything as negative or positive, good or bad, or you know, right or wrong. And it's just like, doing doing doing Yes. And it's just like, Oh, what am I feeling? And just let that be? Yes. Let it like, marinate in it for a minute and just experience it.

Guy: 9:01

Yeah, exactly. In coaching, that's exactly what I'll talk about with clients. Right? Yeah. If you're curious, what are you doing coaching? How would that be beneficial? Well, you start there. Yeah. Basically, where are you? Who are you? What are you feeling? Yeah. And we start from that foundation. And then you can rebuild, like, like in your example with Hoda right now. So you go somewhere, a retreat, you kind of have a chance to reset. Yeah. And then you can design back in what you choose. Yeah. Instead of what you feel you have to

Jamie: 9:31

Well, I think even for some people, the pandemic as hard as it's been, I think the pandemic did that for a lot of people. Absolutely. It helped them kind of settle down and, and reset and reconnect with their families or whatever. And I mean, that wasn't true for everyone. But for some people, there was this benefit of the pandemic and kind of being sequestered inside.

Guy: 9:53

Yeah. How many of us had that feeling like, Oh, we're going back to kind of everything normal that Good. And oh, it was kind of maybe a little nice to tune out

Jamie: 10:05

a little Yeah. And to not have the all those expectations. And so but a friend of mine, I remember we're sitting at the beach. And she's like, the beauty of the pandemic is, we get to decide what we're putting back in yes to our schedules. And that's actually part of mindfulness. It's just like very intentional, like, what do I want to bring back in? Although Southern California, we're kind of heading back. Thanks, omicron. Like now, it's like the mask mandates back and all these things, but it's fine, because part of it too, is I think, when we're aware of what we're feeling, and we give ourselves permission to feel it. And we're not judging those feelings. I think we're a lot better at not judging others.

Guy: 10:47

Yeah, yeah. Because I mean, the whole thing of mindfulness is that You are mindful of your thoughts and feelings. Yeah. And and your judgments. Yeah. And so if you're in a place where you can let those judgments go, whether it's over yourself or someone else, or circumstance, it allows you to be more curious. And I think that's a huge element of mindfulness is a state of curiosity that allows you to really explore the present, like you said, when you kind of look at where you're at, and say, what is really here? My autopilot is like, I'm rushing by everything. I don't even notice it. Right? If you're on the freeway, and you're only looking at the horizon, you miss the cows, and the pastures and the houses and billboards, all that stuff. Because you're so focused.

Jamie: 11:29

Well, how many times have you like, gotten home? And you're like, I remember driving, oh, my gosh, like, I don't, I don't was I like paying attention? You know, it's just like, so autopilot. Sometimes. The driver, you're like, Whoa, yeah. And even though mindfulness is kind of this buzz term in the in the psychobabble world, I guess, it's actually an ancient concept, because it comes from Buddhist and Hindu teachings. Yes. Right. And so in Buddhism, it includes a journey towards enlightenment. And it's funny, because I don't know if I'm going to say this, right. But it's the concept of Sati, which encompasses attention, awareness and being present. And that's considered the first step towards enlightenment. You know, it's like the the emergence of mindfulness. And so I think it's an ancient concept.

Guy: 12:19

Yeah. And it's something that humans have struggled with for eternity. Yeah, yeah. And so bringing it forward, how does that apply to our modern life? It has huge repercussions. Yeah, in positive ways. Yeah.

Jamie: 12:30

Yeah. One, I think, in some ways, we're doing this subliminally, right? Like, sometimes we'll go on a vacation. And we intentionally plan a vacation where we're actually not doing anything. Like I just want to go somewhere, like I do this when I go to Mexico, because I don't have cell service. I just want to read a book, I just want to sit with my thoughts. I just want to relax and not be needed by anyone and just recharge. Yeah, I don't want to go to a museum. I don't want to go. I just want to be. And for me, that's really energizing. And sometimes the trip where we're like going doing seeing hiking is is energizing as well. Yeah. But for way, yes. But sometimes you need that time for mindfulness, and just kind of reflecting and letting yourself be really present with what you're experiencing.

Guy: 13:19

Yeah, it's it's the art of of embracing exactly who you are and where you are. Yeah. Versus projecting or applying a lens of expectation that isn't authentic.

Jamie: 13:34

Yeah. Well, and it's funny because there was a study done, like in the 70s. And this is when mindfulness kind of, I think, started being more talked about in Western culture. And they were using mindfulness as a tool and was helping people with chronic pain, and I'm gonna probably butcher this information, I'll have to look it up the study, and maybe Monica can help us. But as they were studying people with chronic pain, they would always try to avoid the pain, like so you're always trying to get ahead of the pain, or you're, you know, you're doing things to avoid the pain. So they would use mindfulness to help people like experience it, because when you try to avoid the pain, it would actually lead to deeper distress. But mindfulness was a more successful approach because it helped them look at what they were feeling and experiencing. Let it come and happen and let it pass right now. And so part of it was just kind of teaching. I feel like it's that mind over matter. You know, mindfulness has a lot of that never matter aspect to that element. For sure. Yeah, cuz you'll see it in sports psychology, they'll use mindfulness, you know, and things like that.

Guy: 14:46

Yeah, I was I was watching Tik Tok the other day. It was ice bath therapy. And they were showing how when you go into an ice bath, the natural inclination your body is to tense up you shiver your chatter, you know. And if you can breathe through it, you get to this kind of zen place where your body isn't, like on autopilot reacting cold. Your mind is controlling your body. And you can watch these people go in like, oh my gosh, it's so cold. And then like,

Jamie: 15:19

Yeah, I can't I can't imagine like,

Guy: 15:22

I've had experience with that. I mean, I remember when, you know, those times you get really, really cold. Yeah. And you're just uncontrollably shivering. And then you say, Yeah, I'm, I'm okay. I'm okay. It's not that you got warm, but something clicks and your body's like, just relax. Just relax. Yeah, I'm still cold. But it's not that uncontrollable. Yeah, I think you can do that. Sometimes when people get emotionally flooded when they're crying, right? Get the hyperventilation going. And if you can breathe through that you're still sad. You're still maybe crying. Yeah. But it isn't such a uncontrollable response.

Jamie: 16:01

Well, mindfulness is a technique I really teach clients of mine who struggle with panic attacks. Yeah. So because a great example it because a panic attack, a lot of times they'll actually go, they'll feel like they have to go to the emergency room, because they feel like they're having a heart attack, or that they're going to die. And then when it gets diagnosed as a panic attack, sometimes they feel embarrassed or, and, and we kind of process through that. And mindfulness is like, don't be embarrassed, like, if you if you're genuinely afraid for your health, that it's natural that you would call 911 or go to the hospital, especially if it's first time you don't know what that is. But now you know what it is and how to recognize like, Oh, I'm going to be okay. Even this panic attack is not going to kill me. Even though this is very uncomfortable. And with mindfulness, it's allowing yourself to feel the discomfort.

Guy: 16:49

Exactly. It's not making it go away. Right? It's, it's leaning into it to say, What am I feeling? That's okay to feel that right. And what else is here? And through that process, mentally? And physically? You relax? Yeah.

Jamie: 17:05

And it allows you tolerate it. I mean, I think we could talk to women throughout the ages who've done this in childbirth. And it's all about mindfulness. Yeah. Right. Because those pains come like when your water breaks, the pain shifts. And I know and explain that to me, I was like, oh, oh, this is different. This is a different kind of pain than I like, and even my husband's like, well, what does it feel like? I'm like, I can't describe it. Like it. It's like a rolling. I don't know, it's like this weird phenomenon happening with your body as it prepares to deliver a baby. And you have to get mindful to get through that experience. Because you have to get control of your body because you start shivering and shaking. And I my teeth were chattering. And I was, you know, because it's a lot of pain. And I felt the same way, nursing a baby. And my husband was like, what kind of pain and Mike is toe curling, you know, and for the first couple of weeks. And so I remember I would get I'd have to get really mindful, like, I could tell like, I have to feed the baby. I'd like sit in this chair. And I would start freezing. Yeah, I would put on like calming music without words like I would actually have to create this environment. Because the first couple of weeks were so rough, that I had to use mindfulness techniques

Guy: 18:25

that totally mindfulness techniques, right, you were setting, setting an environment. Yep, being aware of your thoughts and feelings, recognizing that you've had previous experiences and acknowledging those to go forward with a different view

Jamie: 18:38

that that discomfort wasn't going to kill me. I was like, The world is full of billions of women who've done this. I cuz I'd be like, I'm the only one. This is I'm going to die from. And I didn't. But you know, you start feeling that way. And so mindfulness can give you a lot of power to accept what you're experiencing. Yeah. In the present moment, and get through it.

Guy: 19:02

Yeah, it keeps that it keeps a perspective there that empowers you to move forward.

Jamie: 19:10

Yeah. And I think there's two elements that matter the most in mindfulness, its awareness and acceptance. Yes. And with those two elements, it's like I even when I was doing the Ironman, there were times when I was like, hmm, I really want to stop running right now. But I was aware that I was feeling that I accepted that I was feeling that and that I would probably feel that again while I was running. And that it was okay. Yeah. And I and I looked around and I was like, I'm probably not the only one feeling that as well you know, and, and just able to work through that thought process with my body as well right. And

Guy: 19:47

that awareness also detaches you from the emotion. Right? You can I can feel pain, I can feel anger, I can feel sadness. And I am not sad. I am not angry. I am not A painful person. Right? Right. So that detachment gives you that perspective that kind of says, this is doable.

Jamie: 20:07

It takes you to the acceptance of like, well, I'm sad right now, right? Temporary, right? But I'm not a sad person. Exactly. I'm, I'm hurt. My body hurts right now. But it didn't hurt yesterday. And that and maybe tomorrow won't hurt, it won't hurt or whatever it is, right. But we get into that place of acceptance where we get out of cognitive distortions about what's really happening. And we can just kind of accept with it's right now it allows

Guy: 20:35

you to be with it and not be in it. Yeah. And so it does feel like I am participating in this. And it's not me in an unchangeable unfixable state. Yeah, yeah. So that temporary feeling. It's like you're moving through a room instead of being stuck in the room.

Jamie: 20:53

Yeah. And this technique, I mean, you deal with it to deal with stress, pain, anxiety, to reduce those things, right. So it's funny that you're using a tool to allow you to kind of connect to the present feeling. That's uncomfortable, but it ultimately reduces that uncomfortable feeling.

Guy: 21:12

Yeah, well, it. It's like a muscle you grow through it. And then it's not as hard to do the next time. Yeah, right. Yeah. And I think the catch sometimes is, you know, we can medicate, or we can brace or we can avoid to lessen those impacts. And sometimes that doesn't really give us the full experience. Yeah. And so that does rob us a little bit mindfulness. Yeah. So that's something I think when you go back to the ancient practice of this, it's not, hey, you know, take your medication and avoid any stressful situation. And yeah, that's not life. Yeah. Right. Yeah.

Jamie: 21:47

And that's why I think with mindfulness, some people are like, they just associate it with meditation. And meditation is one way of practicing mindfulness. Correct. But you can have small little moments throughout the day. And I've said this before on a previous episode, like the little breathing thing on the Apple Watch. There's like a one minute breathing macro to remind you to breathe. Yeah. And but it takes you through kind of the concept of smell the flowers, blow out the candles, yes. And it will have you take a deep breath in, and then it tells you to exhale. And if it's just one minute, and so many times I find myself dismissing it. But there are times when I don't. And I take that minute, and I just practice this minute of breathing. That is mindfulness as well. Yeah, it's slowing things down. What What am I experiencing right now I'm just going to breathe and connect to myself. And so we you can have a meditation session. And you can do a meditation exercise. Or it can be these little moments to

Guy: 22:42

Yeah, we had my daughter in the car the other day, one of the other kids was kind of melting down and having some issues. And I could hear Quinn in the back. Breathe in 1234 Hold 1234. Out. She was total box breathing. And I just looked at air and I was like, something's gone through. Yeah. Yeah. But it was it was good. She was totally demonstrated and instructing. Yeah, the other child on how to breathe through it and come back to center. And, you know, I'm sure other parent might be like, what are they teaching us? But I think it's a healthy thing to learn early, right? This is a 13 year old that was teaching her 10 year old brother, box, breathe in the car. And I think those little moments we can do all the time. Yeah. Like you said, you don't need to always do it. No, I don't spend my day breathing. Yeah. Well, we do mindfully, mindfully breathing.

Jamie: 23:40

Is part of your involuntary functions. But

Guy: 23:43

yes, but so that's a good point, actually. Because we do a lot of things involuntary. Yeah. And that's that autopilot. We wake up, I got like, yesterday, my day, like, Okay, I'm gonna start here. I'm going to do this. I gotta go here. I'm gonna be there. And by the time we we recorded last night, night episode. Yeah. And by the time I got there, I was like, I don't even remember where I started today. Yeah, I there was so many. Geographically, I'd been like all over the county. Yeah. And and then you get back and you're exhausted. Yeah. And if you can bring yourself back to these were all choices that I wanted to do. And remember that part. And remember this part, that mindfulness then turns it from? Oh, my gosh, I'm worn out and so tired to I had a great day. Yeah, I got I accomplished these things. And now I'm here with my podcast team to have good evening recorded an episode.

Jamie: 24:35

One, I think that's why even journaling can be a mindful experience. Yes. Because it forces you to kind of get present with what you're feeling and experiencing and recording it. Yeah, in essence, and so journaling can be so it can be it can not be as well, but it can be a mindful,

Guy: 24:52

I guess it's it's that little tool that you just remember. I mean, yeah, in this big world. that's rolling around. I'm me. And I have uniqueness. I have preferences. Yeah. And I have hardships. And it's an experience.

Jamie: 25:11

And I think when you're in it, you have to, it's really important that you avoid judging or pushing away the uncomfortable thoughts, because part of being human is we're going to have uncomfortable feelings, we're going to have uncomfortable thoughts. And acknowledging them helps you understand them better, and helps you understand yourself better. So you can move forward. Yeah. So it goes back to that chronic pain exercise, right? Or, you know, study when they were like, oh, when we are trying to avoid it, we actually are creating more distress. And so by getting mindful, like, why am I having these negative feelings? Or what what, what am I feeling and acknowledging it actually allows us to move through it?

Guy: 25:50

Right, write that stuff down and avoid it? Yeah. Yeah. I mean, my good, bad or indifferent? One of my tactics to encourage me to do that. I'll verbalize it. Aaron, Aaron gets a lot of the brunt of this. But it's, and not in a mean way. But I'll be like, I'm feeling this right now. Is that weird? And she's like, oh, yeah, that's weird. But it's a part of my personality that she's like, he'll just say what he's feeling. Yeah. And sometimes it's super random. But it does allow me to be like, kind of just that whole experience of life is out there. Yeah, it's not I'm not stuffing it down and oppressing it and being like, I can't talk about that. Yeah. I mean, it's, I mean, it'll be much talk about anything. It's fun. Yeah,

Jamie: 26:32

yeah. No, I'm, I'm a, I'm a talk as I'm feeling it kind of person. I think most therapists probably have to be like, A, you got to practice what you preach. But, but my husband has a harder time. Like, I have to say, I really need you to tell me what you're thinking or what you're feeling about those, you know, yeah, he'll go inward. But I

Guy: 26:54

used that exact same terminology with like, my daughters, like, what do you get? There's a, there's something going on? Yeah. What are you feeling?

Jamie: 27:03

Yeah. And sometimes they it's hard for them to identify it. That's why meditation or mindfulness works, because it helps you take the time to figure it out. Yes. What am I feeling?

Guy: 27:13

Right? Because if you're not a instant, you know, learner, then yeah, take some time, figure it out, and then come back. Hey, I thought about it. And here's what I was feeling. Yeah. And then it's, it's, it's super freeing for anyone who hasn't tried that. Yeah, there is this. It's funny, full circle here, what you said about that, right? It's freeing, because you come back, like, I am accepted for who I am for my thoughts. Yeah. And I am here.

Jamie: 27:40

And I'm in charge of how many distractions I put into my day, for the most part, I for sure, I'm in charge of how much I'm on my phone. I'm in charge of you know, and as much as we like to say we are. Yeah, we are. I think the benefit of being a therapist, too, is like I'm with people all day. So my phone is like I always tell people like if my phone is never on ring, like I've never heard it ring, because it's always off. Because if I'm with a client,

Guy: 28:07

Jimmy, it's yours. Yeah.

Jamie: 28:09

It's on like, you know, people have these fun ring tones. I'm like, Yeah, I don't I don't have to have mine on because I'm, if I'm in session, I just don't want to forget to turn it off or whatever. It would be so funny if it went off right now, like, but I usually it's always, you know, it's always off. And so what I find interesting is when I am on my phone, sometimes I'm deep compressing that way, rather than using mindfulness and meditation, like I've been with people all day long, I've been talking about emotions and feelings. And sometimes that's when I'll take that minute breath exercise on my watch. Oh, yeah. And, and be like, okay, just breathe. And then you can, you know, just decompress. But I want to make sure I'm being mindful about why I'm doing it and how long I've been. I'm setting my intention, right

Guy: 29:00

near and dear to intention. I mean, I I won't pull any punches. I will intentionally like, I'm going to go sit down for half hour and just scroll through Facebook. Right and enjoy the freedom to do that. Yeah. Knowing it's not it's junk food. Yeah, right. Yeah. Just like I made some Fritos while doing that to evil. But it's intentional. And I'm getting enjoyment from it. And it is a decompresses like I, I mean it to be mindless right now. Yeah. And then I kind of put some bookends on that, and then get back into what I was doing

Jamie: 29:33

now. So then what are the benefits? I think the first one is it reduces anxiety. Right? I think when we're mindful every day is stress, anxiety, depression, and pain. I mean, physical pain. Yes. I think all those things, you know, as part of the benefits of practicing mindfulness on a regular basis,

Guy: 29:55

and yes, and it broadens your perspective. Yeah.

Jamie: 29:59

And there's thing with mindfulness that people will say, Oh, mindfulness is a, you know, it's hokey, or it's whatever. And I always joke with people who say that I'm like, Well, how often have you tried it? Well, I tried it one time. And you know, and mindfulness is about consistency. Yeah. And it's like anything else. Mindfulness is referred to as a practice the practice of mindfulness a maintenance plan. Yeah. And so you have to be building into your day. And sometimes for me, that's spiritual. It might be through prayer. It might be through a hike, it might be, but it's mindful for me. And so I think it's really interesting when people are like, mindful, you know, that's just a term or that's something that we throw around. But it's usually people that have tried it a couple times. And they're like, oh, it hasn't helped me or I was still, I still was anxious. And you're like, but did you try it every day for a year?

Guy: 30:51

Yeah, you know, a man. Because to me, when someone asked me that question, you know, what are the benefits of it? Yeah. until you've tried it, it's really hard to, I guess, overlay it onto your life and say, here's how it's gonna change. Yeah. But think of your a really good day, when you just felt you were checking off all the boxes, getting everything done, and really enjoying life, every experience, whether it was your breakfast, or an interaction with a friend or working on a work project, and was really satisfying. And then imagine if that was every day. Yeah, right. Yeah. It's like exponential joy. And so I think that satisfaction level, like it's an added satisfaction to what you're already doing that it's an enhancement. Yeah. to life. Yeah. So I take it, there's a great example. You know, Aaron's father passed this summer, and he was had some dementia that was getting worse. And, you know, in that state, the mind kind of is, is not shutting down, but it really becomes focused on the task at hand,

Jamie: 32:01

right? Because the can't focus on tomorrow or yesterday, right, or doesn't remember it, right. So,

Guy: 32:06

you know, lock in the door. 10 minutes later, you need to lock the door again, right? And then 10 minutes later, what about that door? Let's go lock that door. And that sounds like it's a negative, but we'll do puzzles with him. And the joy he would get out of doing that puzzle. You would have thought it was the best thing in the world like this. This puzzle is so pretty. And look how those pieces go together. Yeah, he was just experiencing it that moment.

Jamie: 32:33

It's funny, cuz I think that's true. Because I think about my grandpa when he was going through kind of that, that phase of dementia. And he ended up in a, like a nursing facility that last year, and he was in Nebraska. And so my sister and I would fly out every you know, maybe once or twice a year to go visit him. And every time we went, we would either like bring him a coke from the gas station, like with ice, and I bet it was the best coke. Oh, I was my favorite thing, taking it to him because he would like take a sip. And he would just be like, this is the best thing ever. And we took him one time he he had worked at a place called Bronco burgers in Omaha, Nebraska. Okay. And sounds delicious. By the name. Yeah. Actually, when we were like, my dad, when they're in high school, it was like plates, right? But then he that was in the 50s 60s. And so but we went there. And he's like, can I get to you know, and we're like, Yeah, and so he got two hamburgers and a milkshake. And it was almost like watching a child on Christmas morning. You know, like, just so in the moment. Yeah. And pure joy.

Guy: 33:42

you suspend all of the negativity in life, you suspend all of the baggage we carry around. Yeah. And you're just in the moment, the magic of it. And I can picture that right out in the tubers and a milkshake. And you can almost smell it. Yeah, yeah. And so if every moment in your life is is like that, it would be amazing, right? And that would be a mindful life.

Jamie: 34:04

Right? But I think too, it's not to discount that the part of mindfulness is helping us understand and cope with those uncomfortable emotions as well. Yes. And so like, when like having a baby or you know, having a newborn, even just the tiredness that comes with that, and being mindful through it like okay, because if

Guy: 34:23

but if you're really mindful, like in tiredness, right, if you're really mindful that you will take action then to

Jamie: 34:29

rest, right. Oh, and you also can acknowledge the thoughts of they grow up. Yeah, I'm not going to be up at you know, all night for the rest of my life. I'm, this is this, this is the stage and I can put some context around it, which actually will allow me to accept the feeling

Guy: 34:47

right, because we're experiencing it. Yeah, not it right. And so we are we can experience things as we move through, right? How does how does something feel? How does something smell? It's the whole experiential Part of life that we lose when we're just so busy. Yeah, and hustling and trying to get the destination.

Jamie: 35:07

Yeah, it's mind numbing the hustle sometimes. Yeah. And so

Guy: 35:11

I that example of the puzzle or the burger or the Coke, I can totally picture that, right.

Jamie: 35:16

I do that every day I get in my car, I take the first step. It's glorious. The first step right.

Guy: 35:23

First of the Mountain Dew. It goes through, you

Jamie: 35:28

know, the previous at the movies when it's like the roller coaster and they're like, get the ice, right. Oh, yeah, this is working for me. Because I think it is about just enjoying, you know, and sometimes, sometimes people will comment, like, oh, you seem like you're always happy. No, I have uncomfortable feelings. And I have feelings that are difficult to deal with. But I also feel like because I'll accept that part of myself. I also allow myself all the joy and happiness to

Guy: 35:58

Yeah. And that. And that's the other part of that, you know, what are the benefits of mindfulness that comes forward? We see these people in life, move through life, and they just seem to be on a different plane. Yeah, they are engaging. They see they seem to, I don't know, just, they're dynamic. And they attract people. Yeah. And a lot of times, it's that mindfulness, right. It's it's the thought and acting on the thought that, you know, reaches out to someone. It's the touch. It's the,

Jamie: 36:29

it's awareness, the little thing. Yeah, right.

Guy: 36:32

I mean, they end up with a presence. Yeah. And that presence is desirable.

Jamie: 36:37

Yeah. And I think because when you're when you practice awareness, that self awareness, right, you're getting curious about your own thoughts and feelings. And I think that makes you curious about others. Absolutely. And so you can meet them where they are. Yeah, instead of like, Oh, they're having a bad day, avoid that. You're okay, leaning into it. And like, Oh, hey, you know,

Guy: 36:58

fear. I mean, we really could say that fear kind of, doesn't have as strong a hold on us. Yeah. Right. The fear goes away. If you're mindful, you're curious. You're not fearful.

Jamie: 37:09

Yeah. And you can get into that place of acceptance. And there's hard things, you're gonna have hard, hard emotions, but they're not bad. They're just uncomfortable.

Guy: 37:18

So what are some quick just to review some takeaways for our listeners, if they're like, oh, I want to try a little mindfulness. Start with I mean, you could explore some meditation, that's always a resetting kind of a centering activity. And that can be everything from, you know, the room with the pillows in the candle to just some breathing,

Jamie: 37:35

breathing. Right? It could be a yoga class. Yeah. It could be spiritual for people. I mean, it could be worship for people, it could be where they meditate or get mindful. I mean, there's just lots of different ways you can

Guy: 37:48

one thing I think you've heard about this, it's the the finger rubbing, you know, if you're in the middle, and this can be really subtle, like, I'm getting overwhelmed in traffic, right? I put my finger and my thumb together, and you just rub until you become aware of the fingerprint. And you just think of the fingerprint feeling. And it's really hard to continue be like, Oh, I'm so angry at that. However, while trying to feel your fingerprints.

Jamie: 38:15

Yeah, cuz it's forcing you to slow down and focus on something.

Guy: 38:18

It's a little distraction, but it is a little Reset Tool. And then you're like, and then once you feel it, you can let it go. And like, Okay, what was I thinking about? Yeah, right, you might go right back to traffic and no fingers. Again, you're disrupting

Jamie: 38:29

the pattern that kind of starts to run away with us

Guy: 38:32

a little bright. Another one that I've done in my coach even has talked to me about his smells, sometimes aroma therapies, or a candle or something that you can put the, I mean, think of how when you walk in, we were making Kinder punch the other day. And that smell takes us right back to the Christmas markets in Berlin. Right. But that's, that's mindfulness. Yeah, right. You come in. Oh, remember that trip? Yeah. Like, instantly. And, and so those around it, whether it's in your workplace, your house, your car, if there's a smell that makes you calm, or relax or be aware and present. Yeah, you know, keep little that around. And I think connection is another one. You know, if you're trying to be mindful, communicate that with others because we help each other Yeah, we can say, hey, you know what, instead of gobbling down our lunch and running to the next thing, that's really enjoy this. What do you love about your your burger? Oh, my gosh, you should. This is the best bun I've ever had on this hamburger. Try that. Yeah, it really is celebrating those little things that make up life.

Jamie: 39:39

Yeah. And that's that awareness. What am I eating? What am I enjoying? What am I

Guy: 39:45

like, did I just eat? But how many times

Jamie: 39:47

have we done not? You'll be at the end of the day, like what should I eat for lunch? And then like,

Guy: 39:52

more times that I want to miss. That's the bottom of the bag. Oh, you didn't want some of these? If you're not mindful,

Jamie: 40:04

yeah, so does it can make a big difference. So I just go back to being aware and accepting of what you're feeling and experiencing.

Guy: 40:11

Yeah. So listeners, we'd love to hear what you guys do for mindfulness and how that works for you in your life, you know, post them in the comments, or send us a DM. And if it's something new to you, try it try at the end of the year here. I mean, we're going into for me at least it's like, what have I done? What am I gonna do? Yeah, season? Yeah. And, you know, New Year's resolutions and fresh start and all of that. So it might be a good time to be like, mindful in the in the holiday season as you're celebrating, to really cherish that. And then what choices you're going to make going forward.

Jamie: 40:44

Well, good, all good stuff.

Guy: 40:47

Yeah. Thank you so much, Jamie, for your perspectives. And and thank you for tuning in. If you love the show, be sure you subscribed so that you get the automatic downloads of each episode. New episodes drop every Tuesday. Tell your friends and family and thank you for all of your

Jamie: 41:02

support. Yeah, it's been a good year. It has. Okay, take care everyone. Bye bye.

Guy: 41:10

Thanks so much for listening this week. Stay connected by following us on Instagram or Facebook at the Davenport podcast. For more information on coaching services with Guy, visit his website, TheCoachGuy.net. For additional information regarding counseling services, the Daring Way Curriculum, or relationship counseling, please go to JamiePyattLCSW.com. The Davenport Podcast is a production of the Davenport Education Group. Show hosts are Guy Balogh and Jamie Pyatt. Our producer and editor is Erin Balogh. Our outreach manager and production coordinator is Monica Strang. Thanks for listening.

Jamie: 41:53

The Davenport podcast is provided for informational and entertainment purposes only. Although Jamie is a licensed clinical social worker and guy as a professional life coach. The Information and opinions shared by the hosts and their guests are not intended to be a substitute for professional medical or mental health advice, diagnosis or treatment. The information on this show does not create a client therapist or coaching relationship and should not be taken as professional advice or guidance. Please consult with your physician or qualified health care provider regarding any medical or mental health conditions.